"I would do anything for you, dearest. Except give up bacon."
My friend Jasmin blogged yesterday on the subject of a recent New York Times article regarding the recent spike in families having "green disputes." Apparently, environmental concerns (including food choices) are quickly approaching the status of religion and politics as a subject likely to cause rifts between couples, between parents and children, between siblings and so on.
The good news is that there are now therapists specializing in these issues. But what kind of advice are these therapists giving? From the Times:
"Changing the family diet because of environmental concerns can be particularly loaded, [according to family and marriage therapist Linda Buzzell]. She warns wives and mothers not to move a family toward vegetarianism before everyone is ready."
I've been vegan for nine years now. I know a lot of vegans, and I can imagine statements like those from Ms. Buzzell might ruffle some feathers.
Coming from the mouth of someone who presumably eats animals, the advice that wives and mothers (hello, unqualified stereotype) not push too hard against the status quo seems a bit suspect. And what is this crap about "vegetarianism" anyway? If you give a damn about animals, take the eggs and dairy out of your shopping cart. Otherwise, you might as well have a steak, because your egg and dairy habit isn't doing the animals a favor. It's just substituting one form of cruelty and exploitation for another!
See how easily I can tap into my vegan wrath? But here's the thing; I actually agree with Buzzell's advice. When somebody undergoes a vegan epiphany, the enormity of the suffering (and often, guilt) that they suddenly see beneath the surface of their former diet can be so overwhelming that it's hard to not run into the streets yelling. They are filled with an evangelical fire, and friends and family are usually the first to feel the heat. Unfortunately, many of these bystanders just aren't ready for the revolution, and the harder they feel pushed by the new vegan in their midst, the more they feel inclined to dig in their heels.
New vegans, here is my advice to you. There are over 6 billion people in the world. Some of them are ready for your message, and some aren't, and whether they're ready or not has little to do with their social proximity to you. Do go forth and spread the word, but in a way that is gentle and respectful. For some excellent advice on effective advocacy, I highly recommend Bruce Friedrich's essay on the subject, here.
If you find yourself at an impasse with someone close to you, let it rest, and move on with your activism. Your time would be better spent addressing those who are more receptive, whether it's a neighbor, a co-worker, or a total stranger you meet on the train. In the meantime, you can continue to influence your family and friends by providing a good example. Be compassionate, forgiving, and joyful. Take the opportunities for dialog as they come. In time, you may be surprised to see those around you gradually move in your direction.
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